TJ Martini
When I was in my 20s, I remember my sisters always praying for me. I didn’t understand why it was so important, but they told me every time we talked or visited that they were “praying” for me. They never pushed. They didn’t overwhelm me with scripture or try to shove the Bible in my face. Nonetheless, they saw how I was living my life and it frightened them. It should have frightened me too, but I didn’t have the sense to realize it until much later.
My experience with the Lord didn’t happen quickly. I did not hear any Voice of Truth inside of me. Not that it wasn’t there, I just chose to ignore it. I knew right from wrong, but still, I liked the challenge of the wrong and taking the most deliciously dangerous roads I could, tempting fate and disappointing God every time.
When I was a little girl, I believed in Santa and the magic of Christmas. I believed in fairy tales and Cinderella. I grew up with Disney and wanted the “happily ever after” that Cinderella had. I believed there was a prince charming for me “somewhere out there”—and I spent the better part of my adult life looking for him.
I was raised in the ‘baby boomer’ generation when prayer and God were allowed in school. My mother also had taught me to say my prayers at night and to be thankful for all I had. But I had no idea who Jesus Christ was—why He lived, or why He had to die. As I got older, I truly believed that there was a God. But to be honest, I really wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with Him. Over the next several decades, I had taken many wrong turns, which usually left me flat on my face—and yet, I continued to live the way I wanted—searching for my prince.
After several failed marriages and a handful of children, God allowed me to make the final wrong choice for my last failed marriage. Looking back I realize I needed the horrific consequences and reprimanding this choice brought me so that I would finally give up the lifestyle I was living and surrender everything to my Lord.
I asked Jesus into my heart shortly thereafter, and He took my hand—without question and without judgment. He was waiting. And, as I got closer to Him, I learned He had been waiting a very long time.
We are not strong enough to go through this life alone. Life can be good, but it’s also very difficult at times. However, with Jesus living inside of us, we know we always have a Savior in our corner—One who will fight for us and never leave us no matter what.
I got married again and although we both had some issues to work on (separately as well as together), I knew that this time it was for keeps. This time around was definitely for better or worse—and some days they are worse. My husband and I have been tested many times, with trials and challenges that I would have never been able to get through before (nor would I have wanted to). But this time I had a Savior!
It’s been nearly 25 years and my husband and I are still going strong. This being said, there are still those days when I want to run away and hide, and I’m pretty sure that he would like to do the same to me. But we stand firm in our commitment to one another. Satan would be thrilled if we got divorced, but I can tell you with all certainty that that will never happen!
My husband is a good man and a God-fearing Christian, and I am so grateful to God for giving me this last chance at love. We both grow closer to Him every day and with every “trial and tribulation” we go through. But divorce is not an option. To take the words of an incredibly godly woman, Ruth Graham (Billy Graham’s wife of more than sixty years), when she was asked if she ever thought of divorcing Billy because he was gone so much, her answer was, “Divorce? Never! Murder? Possibly.”
Finally, I understand the true meaning of commitment. It doesn’t matter what you go through with your spouse. You always need to work it out, no matter how bad it may seem at the time. And forgiving each other is a must. It’s all about choices. Love and marriage is a choice—one you have to make every single day. And I choose to stay and fight for mine with all my heart. I only wish I had learned this earlier, but I thank God I finally did.
I also realize now that I never needed that prince who I spent half my life looking for. For I have a King who loves me more than I could ever imagine. He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords and He is all we ever need.
That said:
God has graciously given me the platform to write and speak and to encourage others through this journey of faith. Whenever this thought comes to my mind that He chose me for this task, it almost takes my breath away. Why would He do such a thing for me, to give me such an honor as to represent Him? I do not know the answer, but I am humbled beyond words. Yet, I am by no means perfect and never will be. Even with all I have been through, I’m still a mess of a girl. I don’t always make the right choices—but at least now I try. When I fall, I just get back up and start over. I ask God’s forgiveness and He always gives it to me. I pray the words from this site, my books, cards and those words you hear from my mouth will bring you comfort, and help lead you on the most glorious journey you have ever taken.
And for those who feel there is no hope left, I am here as a witness to God’s grace and to tell you there is always hope in Him. He has a plan for us all. I took the long way to find His plan and purpose, but I found it. I pray I can help your road be less bumpy and more directly aimed toward the only one who matters in this life. Christ our Savior, our Lord. TJ